yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
