90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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