1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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