I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
