I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
