Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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