So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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