look no pants
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
