You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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