U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
