I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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