My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
