he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
