Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
