Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
