well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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