I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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