Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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