It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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