Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
