apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never joke about your clitoris.
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