C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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