I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
