U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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