Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
