all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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