Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
