I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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