from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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