I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
