This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the day after is always just damage control
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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