my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
