Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
