How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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