Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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