If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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