You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
