WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
