Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
