Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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