So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Come on in and take your pants off
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