Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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