My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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