When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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