i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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