can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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