DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
