We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
