I can't breathe out the right side of my face
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
