I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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