god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
