She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
