They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
