I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
