Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
